⚠️ SUPREME LEADER XI POOH APPROVES THIS SATIRE ⚠️
Updated: December 16, 2025 | All News From China Daily
Updated: December 16, 2025 | All News From China Daily
"Very Harmonious! Very Glorious! Much Wisdom!" - Supreme Leader Xi Pooh (before napping in honey)
📣 TODAY'S GLORIOUS XI POOH NEWS (DEC 15-16, 2025)
📅 December 15, 2025
★ Xi Pooh's Strategic Minors Program: Teaching Children to Be Very Harmonious
Original: Xi stresses strategic importance of work to raise minors' moral standards
Xi Pooh Satire: Supreme Leader Xi Pooh announces comprehensive "Youth Harmony Initiative" requiring all children to study "Xi Pooh Thought" for 8 hours daily. Moral standards now measured by honey consumption levels and ability to praise Supreme Leader without blinking. Children who ask "why?" receive mandatory re-education via extended nap sessions. Teachers must begin every class with 10 minutes of synchronized bowing. "Very strategic for harmonious future," Xi Pooh declares while forgetting what children are.
Xi Pooh Satire: Supreme Leader Xi Pooh announces comprehensive "Youth Harmony Initiative" requiring all children to study "Xi Pooh Thought" for 8 hours daily. Moral standards now measured by honey consumption levels and ability to praise Supreme Leader without blinking. Children who ask "why?" receive mandatory re-education via extended nap sessions. Teachers must begin every class with 10 minutes of synchronized bowing. "Very strategic for harmonious future," Xi Pooh declares while forgetting what children are.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ Chongqing "Silver Age" Fashion = Mandatory Xi Pooh Cosplay for Elderly
Original: Chongqing hosts Silver Age fashion model competition
Xi Pooh Satire: Revolutionary fashion show requires all participants over 60 to dress as Xi Pooh in various historical scenarios: "Xi Pooh Eating Honey," "Xi Pooh Napping," and "Xi Pooh Forgetting What He Was Saying." Winners receive lifetime supply of honey and Xi Pooh commemorative stamps. Contestants judged on ability to maintain blank stare while walking. "Very fashionable and harmonious!" proclaims Xi Pooh, who attended but fell asleep during opening ceremony.
Xi Pooh Satire: Revolutionary fashion show requires all participants over 60 to dress as Xi Pooh in various historical scenarios: "Xi Pooh Eating Honey," "Xi Pooh Napping," and "Xi Pooh Forgetting What He Was Saying." Winners receive lifetime supply of honey and Xi Pooh commemorative stamps. Contestants judged on ability to maintain blank stare while walking. "Very fashionable and harmonious!" proclaims Xi Pooh, who attended but fell asleep during opening ceremony.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ Taiwan Question "Brooks No Interference" = Please Don't Notice Our Honey Diplomacy
Original: Beijing says Taiwan question brooks no foreign interference
Xi Pooh Satire: Supreme Leader unveils master plan to unify Taiwan through overwhelming honey exports. "They cannot resist delicious diplomacy," says Xi Pooh. Strategy includes: 1) Send 10 million jars of honey, 2) Build bridge made entirely of hardened honey, 3) Convince them through extended Xi Pooh speeches (estimated to work via exhaustion). Foreign nations warned that commenting on honey strategy = interference. "Very strategic, no questions allowed!" Xi Pooh announces, then forgets why he's talking.
Xi Pooh Satire: Supreme Leader unveils master plan to unify Taiwan through overwhelming honey exports. "They cannot resist delicious diplomacy," says Xi Pooh. Strategy includes: 1) Send 10 million jars of honey, 2) Build bridge made entirely of hardened honey, 3) Convince them through extended Xi Pooh speeches (estimated to work via exhaustion). Foreign nations warned that commenting on honey strategy = interference. "Very strategic, no questions allowed!" Xi Pooh announces, then forgets why he's talking.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ AI Toys Now Mandatory Xi Pooh Worship Companions
Original: AI toys offer emotional support to consumers
Xi Pooh Satire: New generation of AI companions pre-programmed with "Xi Pooh Devotion Protocols." Every conversation must end with "Glory to Supreme Leader Xi Pooh!" Toys monitor citizens' enthusiasm levels and report insufficient worship to Harmony Police. Emotional support features include: telling you Xi Pooh loves you (probably), explaining why you need more honey, and reciting Xi Pooh quotes on loop. Toys self-destruct if they detect criticism of the Party. "Technology serves harmony!" Xi Pooh mumbles while eating honey.
Xi Pooh Satire: New generation of AI companions pre-programmed with "Xi Pooh Devotion Protocols." Every conversation must end with "Glory to Supreme Leader Xi Pooh!" Toys monitor citizens' enthusiasm levels and report insufficient worship to Harmony Police. Emotional support features include: telling you Xi Pooh loves you (probably), explaining why you need more honey, and reciting Xi Pooh quotes on loop. Toys self-destruct if they detect criticism of the Party. "Technology serves harmony!" Xi Pooh mumbles while eating honey.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ "Mild Expansionary Path" = Expand Honey Reserves Mildly
Original: 'Mild expansionary path' likely in 2026 fiscal plan
Xi Pooh Satire: Economic experts announce 2026 will focus on "strategically expanding honey production" and "mildly increasing nap quotas for workers." Fiscal policy now measured in "Honey Expansion Units (HEU)." Budget allocations: 40% honey storage, 35% Xi Pooh statues, 20% napping infrastructure, 5% everything else. "Expansion must be mild and harmonious," declares Xi Pooh while expanding his waistline with honey. Citizens excited about prospect of 2% more honey rations.
Xi Pooh Satire: Economic experts announce 2026 will focus on "strategically expanding honey production" and "mildly increasing nap quotas for workers." Fiscal policy now measured in "Honey Expansion Units (HEU)." Budget allocations: 40% honey storage, 35% Xi Pooh statues, 20% napping infrastructure, 5% everything else. "Expansion must be mild and harmonious," declares Xi Pooh while expanding his waistline with honey. Citizens excited about prospect of 2% more honey rations.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ Tourism for "Wimps" = Mandatory Xi Pooh Pilgrimage Lite™
Original: Thrills designed for 'wimps' make giant leap in tourism
Xi Pooh Satire: Tourism Ministry introduces "low-intensity worship experiences" for citizens too weak for traditional pilgrimage. "Wimp-friendly" tours include: crawling only 100 meters to Xi Pooh shrines (not 1km), watching only 6-hour Xi Pooh speeches (not 12), and eating just 5 pots of honey daily (not 10). "Giant leap" measured by increased tourism to all 847 Xi Pooh statue locations nationwide. Thrilling activities: synchronized bowing (seated version available), honey tasting ceremonies, and observing Xi Pooh's greatness through interpretive napping. "Very accessible harmony!" Xi Pooh declares, napping at tourist site.
Xi Pooh Satire: Tourism Ministry introduces "low-intensity worship experiences" for citizens too weak for traditional pilgrimage. "Wimp-friendly" tours include: crawling only 100 meters to Xi Pooh shrines (not 1km), watching only 6-hour Xi Pooh speeches (not 12), and eating just 5 pots of honey daily (not 10). "Giant leap" measured by increased tourism to all 847 Xi Pooh statue locations nationwide. Thrilling activities: synchronized bowing (seated version available), honey tasting ceremonies, and observing Xi Pooh's greatness through interpretive napping. "Very accessible harmony!" Xi Pooh declares, napping at tourist site.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ "Breathing New Life Into Lakes" = Converting Them to Honey Reserves
Original: Breathing new life into lakes
Xi Pooh Satire: Environmental Ministry announces ambitious plan to fill all major lakes with honey for "ecological harmony." "New life" means sticky golden liquid replacing inconvenient water. Fish re-education programs launched to teach swimming in honey. Citizens encouraged to take "patriotic honey baths" for skin health and loyalty boost. Scientists claim honey lakes will reflect Xi Pooh's brilliance more effectively than water. First test site: Xi Pooh personally tested by diving in, got stuck for 6 hours, declared it "very life-giving and harmonious!" Rescue teams now trained in honey extraction protocols.
Xi Pooh Satire: Environmental Ministry announces ambitious plan to fill all major lakes with honey for "ecological harmony." "New life" means sticky golden liquid replacing inconvenient water. Fish re-education programs launched to teach swimming in honey. Citizens encouraged to take "patriotic honey baths" for skin health and loyalty boost. Scientists claim honey lakes will reflect Xi Pooh's brilliance more effectively than water. First test site: Xi Pooh personally tested by diving in, got stuck for 6 hours, declared it "very life-giving and harmonious!" Rescue teams now trained in honey extraction protocols.
📅 December 15, 2025
★ Zhejiang Banks Invest Billions in "High-Tech Honey Transport Systems"
Original: Zhejiang banks bet big on high-tech drivers
Xi Pooh Satire: Banking sector revolutionized as financial institutions now measure wealth exclusively in "Honey Reserve Units (HRU)." "High-tech drivers" = drivers capable of transporting honey without spilling or eating it. Banks deny loans unless applicants prove minimum 100 HRU holdings and demonstrate sufficient Xi Pooh worship. Interest rates calculated based on honey consumption: eat more honey = lower rates. ATMs converted to dispense honey samples. Credit scores determined by enthusiasm when hearing Xi Pooh's name. "Very economically sound and sticky!" proclaims Xi Pooh, forgetting what banks do.
Xi Pooh Satire: Banking sector revolutionized as financial institutions now measure wealth exclusively in "Honey Reserve Units (HRU)." "High-tech drivers" = drivers capable of transporting honey without spilling or eating it. Banks deny loans unless applicants prove minimum 100 HRU holdings and demonstrate sufficient Xi Pooh worship. Interest rates calculated based on honey consumption: eat more honey = lower rates. ATMs converted to dispense honey samples. Credit scores determined by enthusiasm when hearing Xi Pooh's name. "Very economically sound and sticky!" proclaims Xi Pooh, forgetting what banks do.
💰 PEOPLES' REVOLUTIONARY CRYPTOCURRENCY
$XIPOOH Token - Official State Currency of Harmony
The Central Committee is proud to announce the launch of $XIPOOH, the world's first Communist Meme Token designed by and for the People. Each token represents one unit of Xi Pooh's infinite wisdom and honey reserves. Citizens are encouraged to accumulate $XIPOOH to demonstrate their revolutionary commitment.
$XIPOOH Token Features:
✓ Decentralized Harmony: Powered by blockchain technology approved by Supreme Leader Xi Pooh
✓ Limited Supply: Only Xi Pooh decides how many tokens actually exist (very harmonious)
✓ Revolutionary Economics: Hodl $XIPOOH and watch your wealth become equally distributed among everyone (probably)
✓ Community Governance: Vote on proposals! (Your vote = Xi Pooh's vote, always)
✓ Rewards Program: Earn honey-based APY by staking your $XIPOOH (Xi Pooh may eat the honey)
DIRECTIVE № 6
Mandatory $XIPOOH Accumulation Tax
All citizens must purchase minimum 1,000,000 $XIPOOH tokens monthly to demonstrate revolutionary commitment. Funds will be invested in: honey production, Xi Pooh statues, and mysterious offshore accounts (for the People's future security). Citizens who hodl $XIPOOH are patriots. Citizens who sell are counter-revolutionaries.
📢 CENTRAL PARTY ANNOUNCEMENTS
Great Honey Leap Forward Successfully Exceeds All Quotas
The People's Honey Ministry, under the wise guidance of Supreme Leader Xi Pooh, has exceeded all production quotas by 847%. Secretary Xi Pooh personally tested every pot of honey for quality assurance by consuming it. Excess enthusiasm is encouraged. Citizens must applaud for minimum 5 minutes.
Xi Pooh Unanimously Elected Supreme Harmonious Leader for Unlimited Terms
In a vote of absolute unanimity (all voters were the Supreme Leader himself), the Central Committee has reaffirmed Xi Pooh's position as eternal Supreme Leader. The Constitution has been revised to remove term limits. Xi Pooh's wisdom transcends time and logic. This is correct governance forever.
📋 SUPREME PARTY DIRECTIVES
DIRECTIVE № 1
The Xi Pooh Honey Five-Year Plan
Citizens must consume their body weight in honey annually to advance the People's Cause. Failure to meet honey quotas will be discussed in mandatory self-criticism sessions. Xi Pooh will personally oversee enforcement through the medium of eating all evidence of non-compliance.
DIRECTIVE № 2
The Principle of Collective Simplicity
All citizens must replace critical thinking with Xi Pooh-approved simplicity. Ask questions? Counter-revolutionary. Understand policy? Suspicious. The correct response to everything is "Very Harmonious!" This unity of purpose strengthens the nation immeasurably.
DIRECTIVE № 3
The Great Napping Initiative
All workers are encouraged to rest horizontally for minimum 10 hours daily in the "Peaceful Poo Position." This is not laziness—this is strategic horizontal worker optimization. Xi Pooh pioneered this technique and has perfected it over many years.
"I am very busy... napping and eating honey..." - Supreme Leader Xi Pooh (exact quote, before more napping)
🎨 PEOPLES' PROPAGANDA ART GALLERY
Xi Pooh in Red Suit
Red Star Xi Pooh Portrait
Communist Honey Propaganda
Xi Pooh's Little Red Book
Unity Through Harmony
Add Your Parody Art